Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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