thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
