Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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