so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
