So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
