I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
