Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
