Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This girl is more easily done than said...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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