There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
