Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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