Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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