I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
