Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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