I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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