What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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