She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
