Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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