I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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