No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
