The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
