You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
