My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
