Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
