You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
