what day is it and did you see me today?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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