WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
