I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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