anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
In America we eat man semen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
