I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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