I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
