it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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