Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
