dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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