Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
