So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
