I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
