I hope mine doesn't look like that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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