non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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