he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
