I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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