is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
