I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
