She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize