i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
