she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
