It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
