The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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