The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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