So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
