What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
