Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
