but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
