i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
