dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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