i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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