Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
