You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
