You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dick very happy bro
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
