i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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