Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
