Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i will never coherently bang her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
