Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
