this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
