I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
