Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
