4 words: hood of his car
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
